What Kept Us Apart
by jayisuncouth
Summary: AH/AU/OOC - Suddenly, a thought came casually strolling along inside his head. It sat itself on a cozy red couch, and it offered one simple sentence, “What have you got to lose?” - M for language. J&A,E&B.


What Kept Us Apart

* * *

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. 

This story was inspired by _The_ _Arctic Monkeys: Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts_ and the many flaws of the _Twilight_'s characters.

_Beige_, you already know that 99.9% of your suggestions were used to fix this story. Thank you!

_MujerN_ and _Vantastic_, I would never have written this if it weren't for the two of you. Thank you!

* * *

I wake up. Shadows are playing on the ceiling; the air is warm and dry. My eyelids are still heavy. I stretch and moan in pleasure feeling every muscle in my body tense and then relax.

All of a sudden, for whatever reason, not a smell, not a taste, not an action that triggered it -- I start remembering that fateful day eight months ago. I remember that distinct, dark second when my heart sank.

*

Instinctively, I turned around, opened the door and walked out in the street. What else was I supposed to do? Yes, I wanted to bash his head against a wall, repeatedly, but there was nothing else to do except admit defeat.

As I stepped outside of the damn Pet Shop, the harsh wind, like an exulting opponent, hit me straight in the face. It howled, "Loser."

Cold. Sounds of passing cars, my footsteps and the mocking wind.

I zipped up my well-worn leather jacket and shoved my hands in the pockets feeling angry.

*

I sigh at the memory of that day.

I turn my head to the side and she's not there. _"Where is she?"_

*

"I swear I'll set you on fire." Emmett was pissed. "It'll kill the germs."

"The couch reeks. Or is that just you? Not that I'd normally give a fuck, but you look pathetic. Take that ridiculous hat off. And take a shower. It's bad if I'm complaining about the smell, Jasper."

"Well, aren't you a bossy motherfucker," Jasper said holding his beer up and pointing his finger at Emmett.

Jasper had been sitting on the same spot since yesterday after he had returned from the pet store where _she_ worked, where he saw _her_ hugging a guy. He showed up at the door nursing a bottle of Jack Daniel's. With Sun Seed Canary Mix no where in sight, Jasper's hunched shoulders and a depressed look on his face, Emmett knew it was going to be a long day, but he didn't think it would drag into the next one. The sadness was palpable. It felt like someone died.

The next day, the room smelled like something had died.

Eighteen beer cans lay around Jasper's feet, that were comfortably ensconced in a pair of fire engine red boots that contrasted his pasty legs in the most unflattering way. A wide beer stain decorated his white boxers. If it weren't for Emmett, who dragged him into the bathroom several times in the past 20 hours, it would have been a urine stain.

"I will never take the hat off," Jasper slurred, trying to make it sound like a threat. His hand dove in a box of cereal and when he found nothing, he just murmured unintelligibly, and took a sip of his warm beer instead. "This tastes like shit."

There was more cereal on his wife beater than in the box anyway, so he licked his fingers and tapped them on the shirt, then lapped the crumbs off.

Emmett eyed him with disgust. "You used to be fun."

"Shut up and get me a beer. Hey, man, I smoked the stash you hid in the flower pot. You should get more of that shit?"

"Do I look like a waitress to you? Your hands are dirty. How were you able to roll one with dirty hands anyway? Did you lick the paper?"

Jasper held his hands up to his face. There was still dirt on them from digging through the flower pot. "I don't remember. We should invest in a bong," he mumbled thoughtfully.

"You'll get worms, idiot."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? Heartbroken, with worms," Jasper whined and reached for an open Hustler lying on the armchair.

The boy's apartment was a lair of porn magazines. Selling them would have covered for the gas bill they forgot to pay last month, but the boys were too attached to their mags to do that. So they didn't cook for a month. Big deal. Takeout tasted better than anything Edward or Emmett could cook, and Jasper was only rarely in the mood to cook anyway.

"Titties are like funny, you know man? They look funny. Good funny. You know, man? When I see titties I'm... good. Like happy, man. Supple, round. Not hairy, no. Hairy tits are man tits. I don't like man tits. I think she has a nice pair. I once saw her nipples... her shirt was white, and like, tight... they were like... round," he made circles in the air with his fingers to show Emmett how round they were. The monologue made perfect sense to Jasper. His adoration was genuine, for titties in general, and _her_ titties specifically. Emmett had tuned out after the second _man_.

"Gonna take a leak," Jasper said breathing deeply as if to suppress a sob. He made an attempt to get up, but Emmett's words pushed him back onto the couch.

"You know, Jasper, I don't want to sound like a cunt, but I heard you sob last night in the bathroom." He glanced at Jasper.

"Do you usually cry when you cum, or did you go in there just so you could cry?" He was grinning now.

"Get fucked," Jasper seethed.

"No, man. _You_ need to get fucked. All I'm sayin' is, you're infatuated with a figment of your imagination," for a second Emmett got that far away look, relishing in the fact he had just used big words.

"She's not the girl you think she is," he continued. " Introduce yourself, have courage, you idiot. How else are you gonna get laid? Hookers aren't the answer... always."

Jasper's head turned to the door as soon as he heard the knock. "Emmett, you expectin' ladies this early in the mornin'?"

"No. Did you order something?"

Edward came flying through the bathroom door before Jasper could say _No_, hair still wet, clothes ironed and clean. "Jasper, get lost. You smell. Emmett, behave. I'm not kidding. I'll fuck you up if you... Never mind. Just... behave."

Jasper grinned at Emmett. Telling a drunk man to get lost isn't a wise thing to do. He'd either punch you in the face, or act stupid. Jasper was the act stupid kind of drunk. Emmett grinned back, knowingly.

"Is that your Bella at the door?" Emmett got up intending to head for the door, but Edward grabbed him by the shoulder, reached out and took Jasper by his arm. He dragged them both towards Emmett's bedroom.

"Just, please, I'm begging you. We'll be out in a sec... Stay in here, please. You'll meet her next time, when you're clean and sober and–"

"Edward, it's Bella. Are you in there?"

"I'll be there in a sec," he shouted back. "Just taking care of some... trash." Edward closed the bedroom door. Jasper started to protest, but Emmett covered his mouth.

"Shhh, he's so getting it now. Callin' me trash." Emmet was not amused.

*

Edward walked to the door with a genuine smile on his face. She was here. She came over to bring him his wallet that he had dropped last night in her truck. He was surprised when she called him at 7 a.m. saying she was on her way to work, and that she had found the wallet under the passenger seat.

Next thing he knew, he was in the shower, and then he was cleaning the bathroom, throwing out beer cans that piled up around the toilet bowl, flushing the toilet because one of his roommates forgot to, cleaning the sink, taking out books from the bathroom and placing them on one of the two shelves in the living room.

Why were the books in the bathroom? Sitting on the toilet turned Jasper and Emmett into avid readers. With so much time and nothing to do, they started reading.

The time Emmett fell asleep on the can, _Madame Bovary_ in hands, head resting on the tiles behind him and mouth open, made for the wonderful profile picture Edward and Jasper placed on singlehearts[dot]com. In the two months that the profile was up, they received two emails from very kinky women and a guy who was willing to do _anything._

The stinking, half-dressed drunk and the incarnation of crudeness were now hidden in the bedroom. _"I didn't lock the door."_

There were times when he'd actually wanted to ask her if she was going out with him on a dare. But six dates later, he was becoming more confident in her feelings for him.

Now, with his roommates in the next room and with the landfill that was their apartment behind him, the fear reared its ugly head and grinned darkly.

"_I'll just apologize and say I live with hogs. And God, please, do not let her break up with me. I said_,_ n-o-t. Sometimes, — no offense— but you're like a dumb surgeon. You cut off the wrong leg, you know? So, just so there is no misunderstanding I do not want her to break up with me."_

He opened the door with a shaky hand, and met Bella's eyes and her bright smile. Next to her was a girl.

"_Why is there a girl? No early morning make out session,"_ Edward thought bitterly.

They exchanged "Good mornings"and "Come in" and "Thanks" and Alice stretched out her arm and introduced herself and said, "So, I finally get to meet the man who makes Earth shatter."

Bella rolled her eyes and regretted not threatening Alice, instead of just asking her to behave. Edward chuckled, and thanked Alice for the compliment while he kept staring at the object of his desire.

"So, you left your wallet in her truck? How convenient. You didn't think you'd see her again, did you?" Edward looked at Alice, confused. "_How does she know?"_

He didn't leave the wallet, he dropped it by accident. But he did think Bella was out of his league. When she had agreed on a second date, he'd felt like he won the lottery.

"I'm sorry. I have a lousy sense of humor." Alice decided to be gentle with her friend's_ raison d'être_.

"It's okay. Insecurities are a gold mine for jokes," Edward was quick to answer.

But, why would Alice be so kind all of a sudden?

Because Edward looked like he was going to piss himself and his hands were shaking.

Because Bella looked like she was going to fall apart after she had met Edward's ex, Tanya, by pure coincidence, during their fifth date outside a movie theater.

The first thought Bella had was, "_After a girl like that he must be joking dating me. Did he lose a bet or something? How much is he going to get after he breaks up with me? Maybe he can cut me in on it? I deserve that much." _When she came home sobbing, it was Alice who assured her that she must be crazy to think that.

When Alice finally got a chance to meet Edward, she was eager to study his body language."_The_ _boy is pussy whipped," _she diagnosed.

Edward was preparing to apologize for the smell of the apartment, the sight of beer cans, and half hidden porn mags probably needed apologies of their own, but before he could suggest taking Bella and her friend somewhere more sanitary for breakfast, Jasper came bounding out the bedroom dressed in red boots, dirty boxers, bare-chested, and with the cowboy hat firmly set on his head.

"Emmett, you bastard, never again without lube..." he shouted.

And then Jasper saw Alice and stopped talking. He slowly pulled the hat down to cover the beer stained boxers. He felt like crying.

"Bitch! You left skid marks on my sheets. Edward has the decency to use the fountain syringe, are you too squeamish to share?" Emmett was playing his part, as loud as ever, but more convincingly than Jasper.

When Emmett came through the door, sporting a shit eating grin, he saw Edward raking his hair, Bella staring at Edward, Alice staring at the ground, and Jasper swaying.

"It stinks in here," he mumbled. Then he zoomed in on the most precious creature in the whole apartment.

"Dammit, Jasper, you got the bird drunk again!" He rushed to the bird cage. The bird was swaying. "Hey baby, did the bastard give you beer again? No, baby, no."

"Bella, these are my roommates," Edward said, mortified. "They think they are being funny. This is the last time you'll see them. I am moving out after this. I promise."

"Edward, I... " Bella laughed nervously, "I don't mean to sound... are you bi?" The smile faltered from her face, her eyes were wide open begging him to tell her the truth.

_"Because bi makes sense. He had dumped Tanya because he thought he was gay, but then he started questioning his decision. Then he asked out the first girl he could find, trying to convince himself he wasn't gay."_

It all made sense_. _Inside Bella's mind, eighty-six insecurities dressed in white coats, with stethoscopes around their necks and charts in their hands were simultaneously nodding at each other in approval of their impeccable logic.

"Bella, no. NO!" Edward thought he heard wrong, but had to negate her question anyway. _"Is she serious?"_

Emmett rolled his eyes. In order to break the tension, he introduced himself.

"So, you are Bella? Nice to meet you. I'm Emmett." He turned to Alice, "Thumbelina, what's your name?"

"I'll cut off your balls if you call her that again!" Jasper interrupted. Then he ran his hand through his hair, resting it at the nape of his neck. _"Did I say that out loud?"_

Edward was looking at Jasper, curious as to where the outburst came from. Alice lifted her gaze off the dirty floor and looked at the swaying, blushing man. With his arms stretched, holding the hat over his groins, he looked like an ashamed little boy.

Bella noticed the look of affection on Alice's face, and thought in disbelief, _"Could it be him? Oh, Alice, not him. He has urine stains, Alice, no, no, no, no... But then again maybe my sexually ambivalent boyfriend and her homosexual crush are sexual together?" _She looked at Edward and gave him a weak smile.

Emmett stood in front of Alice holding the bird cage in his hand, towering over her small frame. _"She has a beautiful face."_

"Call me Thumbelina again, jock, and you'll be saying goodbye to your kneecaps."

"A threat coming from you is just so damn adorable."

"I'm glad you think it's funny." In her mind, Alice was going through her phone book, listing all the cousins she was ready to call, to beat some manners into the dimwit in front of her.

Jasper put the hat back on, trying with all he had not to fall flat on his face. He turned around and started walking towards Emmett's bedroom occasionally stumbling.

Nobody noticed him leaving, except for Alice. His back was pale and his ass was perfectly round. _"He probably smells, and besides... he was too good to be true."_

Jasper trudged to the bedroom.

Once there, he took the hat in his hands, sat down on the bed, and sighed deeply.

*

Emmett turned his gaze from Alice to Bella. "So, ladies, would you like some coffee or green tea? I'm sure Edward would be happy to make you some." Emmett was as accommodating as always.

"You see, Bella," Edward said immediately after Emmett finished, "this is why I didn't want you to meet my roommates. They are crude drunks. If you'd like, I'd love to take you and Alice out to breakfast. Please, don't leave." He felt no shame in begging her to stay with him. He'd do anything to keep her with him.

"Edward, why would I leave?" she laughed, hoping he meant more than just staying in the apartment. She reached out and took his hand in hers. "_I just pray to God, you are not gay. Bi I can work with. Gay? I would have to masturbate to you in the silence of my bedroom... what kind of life would that be?" _Bella was still unsure about what Emmett and Jasper's little skit meant. _"Half of every joke is the truth_."

"This morning has been amusing, I must say," Alice mumbled, but everyone heard. _"I finally saw the man I've been lusting for months in his apartment early in the morning, while he was in nothing but boxers. Only he was with his jock boyfriend. Not really how I imagined it, though. I hope all this is just a joke."_

"Maybe we should get together sometimes? I'd love to learn more about Edward's _Bella._"

Edward shivered. "Umm, I don't think that's such..."

"Yes, sure Emmett!" Bella was thrilled. _"I definitely want to see them interact."_

"Maybe you'd want to go out with us tonight? Our friend's band is having a gig tonight at _The Swamp_. It starts at 10. If you want to join us, that'd be great. Maybe we can grab some food before the show?"

Edward and Emmett exchanged glances. Emmett liked the idea, but he wasn't sure Edward would want Jasper and him there. Edward, on the other hand, couldn't believe Bella wanted to get to know his friends.

"_Maybe she's trying to get us all to go out and then dump me gently? So I can go home with my friends at my side? Wait, that makes no sense... or does it? Am I being paranoid?"_

"Bella, are you sure you want Jasper and Emmett with us?"

Emmett flinched. "Dude, you say it like we're a fucking disease!" Edward ignored him. He was still staring at Bella, wide-eyed and wary.

"I wouldn't have invited your friends if I didn't want them there. It'll be fun," Bella said.

"I would like nothing more than to go out for dinner and a show with you and your little friend."

"I swear you will be crawling with bloody stumps dragging behind you if I ev—" said Alice, but Bella gently pushed her on the shoulder.

"Is Jasper coming, too? Because he should, I mean do you think he'd want to come?" Bella asked.

_"This is why I love you, Bella!"_ Alice thought.

"I'll go ask him right now," Edward said.

"Wait, I'd like to ask him myself." Alice felt a novel emotion. It was courage.

"Umm, Alice, the apartment is a pig sty and Emmett's bedroom should be sanitized before a decent person like yourself ent..."

"It's okay, I don't mind," Alice rushed past Edward and ran towards the bedroom.

"Alice, Alice, Alice... Feisty little thing!" Emmett said to Bella, leaning against the counter, cradling the bird cage.

*

She stood outside the door, hesitating. She lifted her fist and knocked two times against the dark red wood.

"Go the fuck away."

She knocked again. This time there was no sound coming from the other side of the door. "It's Alice. Bella's friend. Can I come in?"

She counted to five, then gently pushed the door open.

*

The room was dark, the air was stale. But through a crack in the curtains morning sunshine was steadily creeping in inch by inch.

Jasper had been lying on his back, telling himself that there were plenty of pussies out there. So what if he felt this pull towards the pint sized sales girl at the Pet Shop? The feeling would go away in time. He tried to convince himself that it was just pheromones and chemical shit like that in his blood, and in his nose, and in the air. If he diluted it with enough alcohol it would be neutralized and go away. Go the fuck away, because feeling like this, pining after a girl he never even talked to was not normal.

He heard her voice.

_"Did I just tell her to go the fuck away?"_

He wanted to stab himself.

Suddenly, a thought came casually strolling along inside his head. It sat itself on a cozy red couch, and it offered one simple sentence, "What have you got to lose?"

"_Fucking brilliant_," he accepted the offer.

All he had to do was cover his groin with the hat, put a smile on his face and pretend to be sober.

_"Nothing to it."_

She opened the door slowly. Her hand reached out to the wall searching for the light switch. She turned the light on, not even asking him if she should.

"Hello, Alice," he said calmly, squinting at her.

"Hi, Jasper. We haven't been properly introduced." She walked two steps forward and extended her arm.

Jasper took her hand in his sweaty palm. Her hand was soft, his was still dirty.

"I'm sorry I told you to go away. I didn't know it was you." "C_an she smell my breath? Shit."_

"Actually, you told me to fuck off," she grinned.

She took a step away from him. She was feeling uncomfortable standing so close to the man she had been eyeing for months. Plus, he did smell.

Every time he'd enter the shop, Alice would turn into a statue. It would be a couple of seconds before she came back to her senses. He would take a bag of bird food, and walk towards the cashier stand. She'd find a way to slip away, or she'd ask her colleague to step in for a while. She could never find the courage to face him in the shop.

She would always stand somewhere near, eyeing him over stacks of dog food, behind shelves, and sighing, always sighing for the man she thought she could never have. She had done a lot of sighing these past few months. Now, it was time to take her chances.

"Bella and I are going to our friend's gig tonight. Emmett and Edward are coming, too. I was wondering if you'd like to come with us?" she said in one breath, while staring into his eyes. "_Is he going to laugh in my face?"_

"You are going out with Emmett? I don't... want... you know... to be a fifth wheel... and I have stuff..." he looked around himself, "to... ummm... do?" "_Is she serious? Fucking Emmett, they all fall for the brawny __—__"_

"Fifth wheel? I'm not... We're not going as couples! No, we just thought it would be nice for Edward's friends to get to know Bella and her friends and vice versa, that's all. No double dates!" she laughed in relief. _"Please, Jasper, come."_

"So, it's just friends meeting friends?"

"Yes." She smiled.

"_She's smiling at me" _

He looked down at his feet, spreading them slightly.

"Okay then, I'd love to come." He looked up at her and smiled, too.

"Okay then, so, it's at this club, _The Swamp __—__ "_

"The Swamp! I go there all the time. I went there in my pajamas once. There's a picture of me on the wall. The owner took it."

"Really? I'd love to see it. Why did you go there in pajamas?"

"I lost a bet." He shook his head, remembering.

"I'd love to hear more about that. So, I guess I'll see you tonight? And you can tell me all about the bet you lost?"

"Absolutely, swee... Alice."

She smiled at him, lowered her head, "I better go now, or I'll be late for work," she said.

He stood up, but immediately sat down again. The room was suddenly filled with countless swirling Alices.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I wanted to walk you out, but I'm afraid I'm not... up to it. I hope you don't mind if I stay here. On the bed."

"Of course not." She turned at the door, waving to the smiling Jasper and his peeking member.

"_Wait. What?" _Shock crossed her face and Jasper saw it clear as a day.

There it was, stretching out along his thigh, like it was trying to catch some fresh air. Alice had opened the door and the light coming from the hallway shone brightly on it.

She quickly stepped outside. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. _"Did I just see... Jasper?"_

"What did I do now?" Jasper was asking himself out loud on the other side of the door.

*

Alice walked into the kitchen/dining room/living room slightly dazed and flushed just as Bella was telling Edward and Emmett that Alice's cousin, James, would be coming, too. He had come all the way from Biloxi to visit her. They didn't seem to mind.

But Edward did._"How old is James? What does he do? How much does he earn? Is he good looking? Does Bella think he's good looking? Do they have a past? Is he really coming to visit Alice, or does he have a hidden agenda? Did he come to visit Bella? Is Bella happy to see him?"_

The thought process drained him, he actually yawned.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Bella asked in concern.

"Yes, I did. I just... don't know, it's like my brain is tired all of a sudden." He shrugged.

"Jasper said he was coming, too. That makes six of us... well, seven if we count in Rosalie. She's the drummer in the band we're going to see and she's really good, you'll get to meet her, too. The three of us are really close," Alice said.

"Drummer?" Emmet scrunched up his nose.

"Why the face, jock?" Alice wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Is she... like Lars Ulrich? I mean why else would anyone be a drummer? They put you in the back so you don't scare people away."

Alice and Bella looked at each other in disbelief.

"Yes, Emmett, exactly. She's a fug and they keep her in the back. So you'll be meeting our fug friend this evening. Why don't you bring paper bags with you and mock her all evening?"

"She can take a joke. She's used to it," Bella joined in the dialogue.

"Who do you take me for, Thumbelina? I'm not insensitive. I would never mock your friend the first time I meet her. No. You do that after you get to know the person. Have you no manners?"

"Yes, I suppose it's me who has no manners."

"Are we really having this conversation?" Bella asked Edward, who was staring intently at a dark spot in the ceiling wishing he was somewhere else.

"We're running late for work," Alice decided to finish the inane dialogue.

"I guess I'll see you tonight." Edward turned to Bella and took both her hands in his. "_Should I kiss her?"_

_"Should I kiss him? Here? In front of Emmett and Alice?"_

She stepped closer. He stood still. She froze. He leaned forward, but then berated himself for leaning in since she just stood there. _"Doesn't she want me to kiss her?"_

She pouted her lips as he leaned back again. He noticed her pout once he was farther away. He leaned forward again just as she pulled her lower lip inside her mouth completely confused as to what was going on. He finally made a move, while she was wondering if it was going to happen at all.

Their teeth clanked. Their eyes stayed opened.

The awkward kiss finished with their foreheads touching, and their lips spreading into smiles.

Alice held her cheeks in her palms shaking her head, incredulous of the prepubescent atmosphere that radiated from the kiss she just witnessed. Flashback of her first kiss ran through her head. Braces and watered down beer. Nervousness and excitement. And shame she felt after being mocked she couldn't kiss and that it was _"sooo obvious this was her first real kiss"_.

Emmett stood astonished. "That was, by far, the worst public display of affection I have ever seen. An average pimple faced teenager has more guts than the two of you combined."

*

"Where is she?" I say out loud. Just then I hear her soft snores.

I stretch across the bed and there she is, sleeping on the floor.

I get out of the bed, lift her small frame and put her back in the bed. I pull covers over her. She's freezing cold.

How come I didn't hear her fall to the floor? How come she didn't get up?

I check her breathing. She's fine.

She's mumbling something unintelligible.

I pull on my gray sweats. She likes them because they make my junk more accessible, she said so herself.

After my morning routine, I decide to make her favorite breakfast.

Eggs and bacon for me, cheese and ham omelette for her, extra cheese. And because the bad is always accompanied with the good, I slice some tomatoes and sprinkle them with some freshly chopped basil and olive oil.

That should get me some pussy.

She doesn't like eating in bed, can you believe this? So, I set the table for breakfast. I take the daisies from the windowsill and place them in the middle of the table, because she likes the damn flowers on the table. Not because I'm a pansy.

I hear her step out of our bedroom, stretching and yawning. I turn around and see her hair pointing in every direction, wrinkles still etched on the side of her face.

"Mornin'. You made me an omelette? You're the best, baby," she rasps. She heads for the bathroom, pulling a wedgie out of her sweet behind. "First things first, can't eat on a full bladder, y'know," she mumbles loud enough for me to hear.

I watch her enter the bathroom with a smile on my face. I am one lucky motherfucker.

Even if the woman had threatened me with sex.

"Hurry, Alice. Your omelette is getting cold," I shout back.

I sit at the table, remembering what made me fall in love with her even more.

Last night I finally told her. I was scared she'd run away, screaming. I mean what fucker does that? But she stayed. She's as crazy as I am.

*

"Jazz..."she giggled. "Baby, I love you, but my vagina won't make it one more time."

"That's okay, sugar. You should get some sleep anyway."

I kept kissing her back and neck, dragging my lower lip over her soft skin.

"You know, you have these little hairs on your neck. When I blow on them you get goosebumps. And if I kiss you here..." I kissed the spot where her neck and back are joined. She shivered. "See!"

She rolled over, lying on her back and sighed. This was a good sigh, I could tell.

"Good evening ladies, it's nice to see you again," I greeted her breasts. After all, I am a gentleman.

"You can be so silly sometimes, you know that?"

I leaned forward to kiss her and we kissed for a while. Soft, tender kisses that grew more passionate.

"I love your lips," she said.

Lips. She likes my lips. Irony.

"Alice, I love you. Please don't think I'm weird or anything."

"Baby, I already think you're weird."

I had to tell her. I felt like I should. Until now it had been my secret. Only the tattoo artist, and Big Bird knew about it, but that was it. That canary knew more about me than Edward and Emmett together. All thanks to sleepless, drunken nights I'd spent writing lyrics and strumming my guitar.

For almost three months I tortured Big Bird with the stories of a girl with the most amazing eyes, silky black hair that made me want to run my fingers through, and lips I wanted to kiss, lick and nibble.

Later on, the stories changed motifs and lips were replaced with boobs, and eyes were replaced with ass.

But all along it was the same girl.

I had planned several strategies on how to approach her. I knew what to say, how to behave, which one of my hats to wear. But the plans didn't work out. Sometimes it was my fear of rejection, sometimes it seemed like she was purposely evading me every time I summoned up the courage to ask her sunflower seeds related questions. But, as far as I knew, she didn't know I existed.

What kind of a relationship did she have with the young guy she was hugging at work? I didn't want to know.

That was the end.

That night, in my drunken stupor, I said my goodbyes to the figment of my imagination, to the girl I'd created in my mind from bits and pieces I'd collected during the nearly three months I had been watching her and overhearing her. Not that I'd been eavesdropping on her, just listening. Eagerly.

I decided I wanted a piece of her with me always.

All I had of her was her name.

I went to the local tattoo shop, the very one I'd walked by for years, but never entered because I'd never felt the lust for ink. This time it was right. A tattoo was exactly what I needed. It would be inside of me, like the secret I was going to keep.

The guy at the shop didn't even have time to ask me what I wanted. I just said, _"Alice, black, simple letters, inside the lower lip. That's it."_

_"I never had a guy tattoo Charlotte or Jacqueline. Too long. Not worth the pain I guess," _the guy said.

I didn't think it was funny.

Now, it was time she knew.

"Eight months ago I tattooed your name inside my lower lip. I wanted to keep you with me for as long as I lived. I did it the day I gave up hope we'd ever be together." I said it quickly.

Luckily for me we were lying in a bed inside an apartment building. The only sounds coming from outside were those of rare cars passing. Had we been outside, the sound of crickets chirping would have made her silence absolutely comical. A joke at my expense, one I don't think I could take.

"What did you just say?" my baby said in disbelief.

"I said I have your name tattooed on—"

"The inside of your lower lip. Can I see it?"

"You want to?" I said incredulously.

"Why does that surprise you?"

"I didn't think that would be your reaction... But, okay, I'll show you." Just as I brought my fingers up to my face to twist the lower lip, she asked, "What did you think my reaction would be?"

"I thought you'd scream and run away."

"Well, maybe I would've if you told me eight months ago. But now I'm kind of too tired to run." She winked at me.

Her gaze darted from my mouth to my eyes. Twisting my lip inside out, showing a tattoo of her name, I was trying hard not to look like a psychopath.

"Baby, I don't know what to say. I'm confused. I mean I don't hate it, I just don't understand why you'd do it."

"I guess you deserve an explanation. But before I say anything... Alice, please, don't think I'm a psycho."

"I'll give my best." She chuckled.

"Well, you see, the day before we met... I saw you hugging Jamie and I assumed he was your boyfriend."

"Sweet Jesus. That's a disgusting thought. Okay, sorry, please continue," she nodded quickly.

I went on to explain how I gave up on us ever being together. I poured my heart out into the story of how I got drunk, decided on the tattoo, consulted Big Bird and then she just snorted!

"Why did you snort?"

"Jazz, honey, don't blame the beer for your brilliant ideas. It's all you. And I love you. Quirky as you are, I love you. And I'm not running away."

"I'm glad you didn't give up on us entirely, though. But I guess that's how the Universe works, once you let go of your obsession, the real thing comes to you. Not that I was your obsession. I'm not that conceited. You know what I mean," she said and rolled her eyes.

I said nothing, I just smiled broadly, enjoying the sight of her squirming.

"I didn't think a guy like you could ever be interested in a girl like me, you know?"

"No, I don't know," I was quick to respond. Her lack of self-esteem has always annoyed me.

"You know I was pining for you, too, for months? Just... I didn't think you could feel the same for me."

"Are you saying we... us... I could have... Alice, what the fuck? All that drama because you didn't think I'd be interested in you?"

"What? I could say the same." She was silent for a second. "I guess we're lucky to end up together all things considered?"

"Ha-ha, funny. We're acting like damn children. Just promise me you will never feel like that around me again. Just... don't be so damn insecure around me. Okay?"

"Same goes for you. But, yes, I promise."

"Good."

"Say it, Jasper!"

"I will do my best to be like that, too." I couldn't believe she made me say it.

She rolled on her stomach, I rolled on my back.

"That means you're going to take your damn guitar and play at the _Swamp_. Tomorrow, we discuss therapy and how we're going to get money for it."

"What?" I protested. I don't know what's worse: facing a crowd and opening my soul to them in a song, or spilling my guts out in front of a complete stranger in a sterile environment in a studio. Both scenarios made my palms sweaty and my throat dry.

"Sleep on it, babe. And don't defy me. I'll pull a _Lysistrata_ on you."

I weighed my options. _"No one can make me go to therapy. Lack of sex? Pfffft. I'm no Edward, but I can be abstinent for a while," _I thought_._

_*  
_

Now, I'm sitting at the table, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom and actually considering therapy. It might be a good idea. It's about bloody time I take that guitar and face my fears. It would make me a better man. Better man for her, too.

Dammit, why is she always right?

She comes out of the bathroom. Naked.

She walks by the table on the way to the bedroom. Naked.

"Baby..." I start, but she cuts me off.

"No sex, Jasper. I'm hungry. And I wasn't joking about therapy."

She knows exactly what she's doing. She knows I wasn't in the shower for a long time this morning. She's doing this on purpose.

She comes out of the bedroom, dressed. She sits at the table and thanks me for breakfast, again, and digs in like nothing's going on.

The traitor in my pants twitches at the sight of her licking her fork. The prospects of what one word could bring suddenly make things clear.

"Fine." I'm angry with myself. I thought I was stronger than this.

She grins and takes a sip of her mint tea. "Fine what?"

"Fine, we do therapy." She owns me.

My phone rings. I check the display. "It's Emmett," I tell her because I know she's wondering. "He'll be here in twenty minutes. He left his book here and he has a date with Rosalie tomorrow."

"I can't believe a guy would actually do that for a girl," she says. "I should give him more credit. He's not that bad."

"Yeah, he finished _The Gift of Good Manners_, he's currently reading _Essential Manners for Men_. Says the two perspectives are refreshingly interesting."

Alice chokes on her tea and coughs.

We both laugh.

* * *

_Thank you for reading. Feedback would be wonderful. Not necessarily a review, you can PM me. My English is... poor at the very best. So, any suggestions, or critique would be greatly appreciated.  
_

_P.S._

**_MujerN_ is the author of _Ruthless and Ivory_, you can read it here**: www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/5500079/1/Ruthless_and_Ivory **and her one-shot _Red Ribbon _is a must, check it out here**: www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/5262979/1/Red_Ribbon


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